Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize