Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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