apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
