You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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