Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
