I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
