somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
