I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
