I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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