I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
