Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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