I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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