Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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