i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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