We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
