i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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