I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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