Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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