thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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