College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
