I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
