I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
