There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
