First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
