I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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