so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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