i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
