meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
