i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
