Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
