we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
