...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
either way he was missing a nipple.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
