I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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