So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
