3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
