he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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