ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sext me about skeletons
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
