Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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