you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize