I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
