party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
