stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
