I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
