i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
