Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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