They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
