My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
