Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Randomize
