I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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