ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
