listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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