No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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