Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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