when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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