I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
