Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
