he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
