So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
