Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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