i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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