the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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