i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
