You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
