I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
