awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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