she was so not down for the gang bang
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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