I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
