i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
