planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
