just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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