dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
