I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
