garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
