You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
