conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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