youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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