He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
