yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
