i was born a porn star she said
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
