So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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