Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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